Paradox — a person or thing that combines contradictory features or qualities.
I fear I will be found out;
I fear someone is always watching;
I fear what everyone would think if I sound dumb;
I fear that maybe I’m really not that great.
Why do I read some articles in private mode?
Why would I be judged for having weird questions?
Isn’t it a normal thing to have questions when your hormones begin misbehaving (also known as properly behaving)?
Why doesn’t the mature Christian leave footprints of advice on emotional issues?
I have always seen being emotional as being weak;
It’s always been a challenge handling emotional issues;
Perhaps I’m too selfish; perhaps I just love too much I’m scared I could get hurt;
No one really understands the confusion, cause you’re expected to be okay.
It’s great to love and feel loved;
But it’s not always that easy to just identify it;
Yes, we are strong and intellectual and intriguing and beautiful;
But that’s the more reason why we also need you, cause you forget the strong also need some to be strong for them.
I wonder if maybe I’m emotionally unavailable?
Maybe the gift of writing would be my undoing?
What if what I wrote is actually usually what I felt and I’m feeling?
Would it make you think less of me?
At midnight, I have questions, of all life contains and more;
Sometimes it leaves my mind awake whilst my body tries to rest;
Everyone else thinks I should be able to handle things;
But if I was never taught, how do I deal with all these?
Could it be upbringing? Could it be scarring experiences?
Is there a chance that too much has been bottled up over the years?
Is the confusion really existent, or is it just a mirage that shows up when temperatures are high?
Well, it could be psychological, but I know no therapist who won’t judge me yet.
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